Avengers Assemble and the Rage of a Once Bullied Nerd

Let me begin this week’s post with an excerpt from “douche bag of the year” Jordan Burchette over at Men’s Fitness Magazine and his article about Comic-Con.

              

       “This year, attendees all appear to have colluded in advance to imagine the most popular heroes and villains of comics, movies and anime as doughy, sickly, weak, infirm or, in the most impressive examples, morbidly obese.  What we observed was a testament to the imagination and resourcefulness of the comic book fan, a live “What if?” comic, if you will, contemplating how our heroes would look close to death.”

                Now, I know what you’re thinking: “My god man, ease up on the comma usage.”  To which I would have to agree but the content is really what I’m pointing out here.  I’ll admit, though, this is a bit tame and doesn’t necessarily warrant a rage-filled tirade; for that, I give you this excerpt from Mr. Burchette in an article he wrote for Maxim a little while back.

                “For those of you not currently attending high school or working in NASA office services, and lack access to persecutable nerds on a daily basis, the comic book industry stages regional conventions where you can see all the fat versions of your favorite fictional characters.  New York Comic Con was no exception, showcasing only the most ample of future college campus gunmen flossing their muffin-topped costumes like pimps at a player’s ball.  There was Fat Colossus, Awkward-Fitting Cobra Commander, and Dumpy Slave Leia among countless others, all united under the banner of involuntary celibacy.  We would have vigorously applied wedgies, noogies, and whirly bowls to these socially-mutated permavirgins, but our Master Chief armor was far too restrictive.”

                So again you’re probably thinking his love of commas, especially the oxford variety, is a bit overwhelming; but again I have to say pay attention to his meat-headed content.   It’s this sort of ignorant, hate fueled and moronic talk that makes me wonder if humanity really is worth saving.  If you’re any kind of lifelong nerd like I am, you’ve been dealing with idiots like this for as long as you can remember.  When we all grow up and become adults in the real world we expect to not be bothered by this kind of childish and immature behavior.  It appears some “adults” don’t ever mentally grow beyond 15 years old.  It’s such an amazing example of stereotype; a magazine known for having ripped and attractive men on the cover making fun of the out of shape or socially awkward crowd.  This guy calls himself a professional journalist for crying out loud!

Comic Con, or any other convention like it for that matter, are meant to be places where the nerds and geeks can come and gather.  Where we can enjoy, and be surrounded by, the things we love without fear of bullying or judgement by the likes of Mr. Burchette.  Even though we think the world at large is populated by mature and reasonable adults we are far from wrong when a convention comes to town and the “normies” point and laugh at the “weirdos” who are dressed up.  I’ve talked before how everyone is a geek or nerd in some way but I’m afraid it’s a lot like homophobia.  Many psychologists believe that extreme homophobia is a way for the psyche to cope with latent homosexuality; you’ll never admit you’re gay or that you like the company of men so you’ll lash out and deny it, afraid of what others might say if they knew the truth.  Sure, it’s an extreme analogy, but it’s not far off; look at the last sentence of the second excerpt.  He’s not only wearing a costume that hides his identity he’s also saying how he’d bully others in the same situation while wearing said costume.  I’m also going to assume he’d run to the nearest secluded space afterwards and cry like a baby in shame; while downing a Twinkie or two for comfort.

Since the Men's Fitness article has posted, the internet has rallied in a style not much different than that of The Justice League or The Avengers.  There’s a Facebook page along with countless well known nerdy and geeky bloggers crying for this man’s head.  Many have even taken to Twitter and attacked his feed (@JordanBurchette if you’d like to join in).  The public outcry has been so daunting that Men’s Fitness has finally taken the article down; a small victory for the geeky crowd but we would really still like an apology.  We’ll see if that ever happens though, he seems to be playing the typical “You’re taking me too seriously” card.  I’d be happy just seeing him lit on fire and reduced to blackened ash in a public square…is that too much to ask?

My point in all this is to encourage everyone to not judge someone else based on what they like, who they like, what they look like, how they sound, what they wear or what they find amusing in a hobby.  I know it’s hard, I’ve been known to do it as I’m sure everyone reading this has; but if you must judge, keep it to yourself.  Don’t go out of your way to hurt someone else's feelings because that’s just mean and as a so called “intelligent” race/society, we should be above such things.  If we don’t rise above such petty trivialities then I’ll be joining the great Professor Hubert Farnsworth in not wanting to live on this planet anymore.

Till next time fellow nerdlings. BE PROUD! SO SAY WE ALL!

In which I review a horror movie for Halloween and stop using “In which” for titles.

This will be the last one I use “in which” with because that’s just going to get old after awhile, am I right, guys?  I mean, it really limits my headline writing options and if there’s one thing I’m good at it’s coming up with headlines! 

That’s totally a good superpower by the way; I’m willing to bet Clark Kent wasn’t even as good as I am at writing headlines, and he worked for a “greater metropolitan newspaper”!

Headline writing aside, let’s get to the real topic: Horror movies!  “‘Tis the season” as they say and oh what a season it is.  For the entire month of October we’re just oversaturated with vampires, zombies, werewolves, serial killers, spiders, bats, scary jack-o-lanterns and scary women wearing slutty costumes (that last one being the scariest of them all).  It’s also a time when stores try to offload their back stocked horror movie collection and you can pick up a good, or so bad it’s good, movie for fairly cheap.  Fortunately, this also means Redbox has a bigger horror movie selection and while browsing through their library this past weekend, the girlfriend and I happened across Scream 4, the not so long awaited fourth installment in the Scream franchise.  Needless to say, we were apprehensive, but pleasantly surprised.

All the main “stars” are back: Courtney Cox (that one chick from Friends), David Arquette (that dude she’s married to) and Neve Campbell (that one chick from Party of Five).  It’s ten years after the events of Scream 3 and Sydney is recovering well from her traumatic experience by promoting a new book about her ordeal.  When she comes back to promote it in her home town, however, a brand new set of murders begin and the mystery of whodunit runs wild.  Luckily the movie returns to its self-aware roots with lots of nods to obvious horror movie clichés both obvious and mentioned by characters on screen, as well as those that go unmentioned but are still apparent to horror movie fans.  You have your obligatory celebrity cameo death at the beginning (this time it’s Anna Paquin of True Blood and X-Men with Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars and Heroes doing the killing). Then there’s the couple of “red herring” suspects that are too obvious to be the killer, the ability of main characters to fight off and elude death while minor characters die all too easily, and let’s not forget the big surprise reveal at the end with the killer being not only more than one person but two people you never saw coming.  Cliché, cliché, cliché; but the movie is constantly winking at you, tongue in cheek style like “See what I did there?”  It knows what it’s doing and that, just as the original, is what makes this movie surprisingly good. 

However, there are complaints.  The writing is a bit rough in spots and the “movie within a movie within a movie” at the beginning made me groan a little.  My biggest gripe, though, is the ending.

Oh God, the ending. Rant Incoming.

                WARNING 1: SLIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD…BETTER BAIL NOW IF YOU CARE TOO MUCH!

                WARNING 2: PREPARE FOR LOTS OF GENDER DISGUISING PRONOUNS!

                The killer proceeds to make it look like they were, in fact, the hero.  They smash their face into a mirror, drops themselves through a table, stab themselves in the shoulder, shoot the person they’re framing, all to make it look like a struggle and that they were the only one who survived. She even kills a main character! Refreshingly Shocking! Then in the final minutes it appears that the killer is going to get away with it and become an interesting plot device for what could be a revived franchise; the survivor who was really the killer, great twist right?

Think again True Believers!

In what appears to be a scene that’s tacked on, the killer is found out while they’re in the hospital recovering.  Oh, and that main character that was apparently killed? Still clinging to life, despite the horrible stab wounds that would have killed any other character in the movie.  So our killer must climb out of their hospital bed and hunt down the only witness…they die in the process…justice is served.  I can only assume that this scene was added after test screenings showed that audiences wanted a happier ending; just goes to show that your mainstream audience wouldn’t know innovative and intriguing if it stabbed them in the face…this is why Hollywood is dying and running out of original ideas.  On top of that, after doing a bit of research, I found that there were a lot of script issues and many scenes shown in trailers that were cut, most of which sound like they would have made the movie better overall, what a disappointment.  They had such a good opportunity to revive this series and have it be the awesome bit of film the original once was!

We didn’t have a chance to browse the DVD extras but I certainly hope that there’s a version on the disc that doesn’t have that ending.  Not that it would be canon…but I’d be happier about it.

So, while the ending annoys me to no end, I still enjoyed it and recommend it to all you horror fans out there!  4 Stabbity Stabs out of 5.

Till next time Halloweenies!

In which we Remember an “i” con and I use a lot of inspirational clichés

This week we lost a man who was easily one of the most influential, intelligent and visionary; a man who helped shape popular culture as well as popular business.   From the iPod to the iPad, Steve Jobs was an incredibly insightful and intelligent human being; he practically invented the way we listen to music, watch movies or acquire info on the go nowadays. He’s been at the forefront of technological innovation for the better part of the last 30 or so years and with his signature black turtleneck has inspired many fellow tech geeks to follow that ridiculous dream to not give up on something you believe in. 

Now, I’ve been an iPhone user for almost five years and an iPod user for years before that and while I’ve never been a fan of the Mac computer (please don’t kill me) I can still appreciate the innovation of it.  I remember using old school Apple computers when I was in the 6th grade (circa 1996), playing games like Oregon Trail and loving every second of it.  I may even go so far as to say that getting so excited about that Apple computer back then may have contributed, in part, to the geeky person I am today.

You know, It’s something you don’t really think of; the idea that so many people in the world are using a device one man dreamt up.  That tiny little device you might be holding right now was just an idea in Steve’s head one day and that’s what inspires me; to look at that and wonder, “Maybe one of the ideas bouncing around in my head could be that great.”  Is it realistic that an idea of mine could take off that incredibly? Of course not; but you have to overcome that doubt if you want to succeed, you have to have confidence and you have to persevere.

Everyone wants to leave their mark on the world and Steve Jobs did that and then some.  He’s going to continue to inspire young inventors and tech geeks everywhere long after his death has left the public eye and that is the so called “American Dream” if you ask me, to live on in the minds of others and never be forgotten, all because of some wacky idea you had to make your music portable.

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Till next time Mr. Jobs…